the joys and pains of the first day

My water broke at 4am.  “Are you sure?” my husband asked me?  “Do we really have to leave now?”  I just hit 36 weeks of pregnancy, and I knew it was time.  Being that this was our first child, our bags were not packed (we thought we had at least 4 if not 6 more weeks to go, isn’t your first always late?)  I trudged through our Minneapolis condo searching for pre-pregnancy clothes (of course I would fit into them after leaving the hospital)  the car seat buried under the mound of baby gifts, and my baby boy and girl clothes and blankets (we didn’t know what we were having).

We arrived at the hospital only to have the nurse tell me that I was too small to be having a baby.  She checked and checked and finally after about 2 hours I was admitted and put on pitocin.  I have this wonderful photo of me smiling joyously and unexpectedly in the hospital before I went into full labor (I am sparing you details).  Six hours later and lots of this wonderful drug called pitocin, our beautiful 4 pound baby girl was born.  We gushed over her teenyness and beauty.  We oogled over whose features she had and then she was whisked away to the NICU.  At that moment I had not realized how premature our baby was.  Although she was the biggest in intensive care, there were other issues that we dealt with in the next 4 weeks of her life.  This amazing motherly bond was bread within me during those weeks.

I relived those first weeks today as Lydia started her first day of school.  “Where did the time go?” my husband asked me.  I always knew it would go fast, so many people had told me, but today a fresh wave of that motherly bond hit.  As we walked out of the parking lot, I realized afresh that she was not my little baby anymore, and would never be.  What had been done to prepare for this day and days to come had been instilled and she was ready.  Probably more than I was.

Seven hours later, I waited with the other parents in the parking lot.  She beamed when she saw me and said “Mom, I love school.  But I love you more!”  Just the words I needed for today.  A glimpse into the heart of my baby…

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